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How To Identify What The Question "Should I Get a Divorce?"
Means To You
By Karl
Augustine
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an
agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself
"should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your
relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an
example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so
terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over
with a new life!
If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?"
for any length of time, you should figure out what is making
you feel that way if you haven't already. Take the time to
reflect back on why you're leaning towards divorce rather than
working out your marriage problem. Once you identify the things
that are making you feel like divorce is the right option, make
a list of those things.
Once you make that list, go back through each item on the
list that led you to asking yourself the question "should I get
a divorce?". Look at each item on the list in depth and make
certain you really deem those items as valid reasons for
wanting a divorce, either in and of themselves or as a part of
a common theme of reasons that make up a whole set.
Once you trim the list down to include only truly 'valid
reasons', rank each reason in order of importance. Identify 2
reasons that hold the most weight to you and that contributed
most to you asking yourself "should I get a divorce?".
After you accomplish this, decide if these reasons seem like
things that can be changed for the better or if they are just
flat out unrecoverable. Soul search and decide whether or not
you are willing to do what it takes to try and fix the problem
that is associated with these reasons.
Example: If one of your reasons for thinking about
divorce is because your spouse is insanely jealous of you
having friendly and/or purely plutonic relationships with
members of the opposite sex, decide whether or not you are
willing to socialize less with members of the opposite sex (or
in a different manner) or do what it takes to ensure that your
spouse understands and believes that you truly love him/her. If
you aren't willing to do either of those things (or anything
else it may take to change the situation), you have some
serious long-term thinking to do about whether you really want
to stay married.
If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?"
due to one isolated incident, you should re-live that isolated
incident in your mind and identify why the isolated incident
led you to the way that you feel now.
List the top 5 reasons that this incident hurt you to the
extent it did (thinking about divorce). Then, think about what
you feel the top 5 reasons are that led to the actual incident
itself.
This is especially crucial because, even though it may be
one isolated incident that caused you to think about divorce as
an option, the reasons that led to that isolated incident may
have been present for quite a while and need to be dealt with.
The point is, just because one isolated incident 'happened',
doesn't mean the execution of that incident is the true cause
of the problem. Chances are there's much more to it, and
finding out what those things are will help you identify the
true story.
If you have been asking yourself "do I want a divorce?" and
haven't prioritized why you feel that way, you aren't ready for
divorce. What you are ready for however, is to go through soul
searching to get to the root of the problem.
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